Thoughts on Love from a Bus Ride

I remember how I used to always look for love. Any time I went to the mall with friends or with family, I’d wonder if I’d meet the one. I would be excited for school and would spend the first day looking around the class to see who I miiiight develop a crush on. It was silly, but I think all young people do this to an extent. The problem was when I would go on dating apps every few months because I’d depress myself when no irl prospects would show up “soon enough.”

Eventually, I met a guy from Ohio named Marquise. He was really nice and we had a lot in common. We called a couple of times and I loved his voice so much. I was infatuated and he was infatuated – we rushed into an online relationship without thinking. A couple days into it, I just felt horrible about it. I realized I didn’t feel enough for him for a relationship, and I had too many trust issues from my previous online relationship that ended a year prior. In my eyes, having an online relationship made it that much easier for someone to cheat. Marquise didn’t seem like the type to cheat, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to trust him because of my own insecurities, and that wouldn’t be right to do to him. I broke it off, saying I just need a month to sort myself out.

After that, it was like I woke up. Did I, as a 19-year-old, really want to whisk myself away into a relationship before I had any idea what I wanted to make of myself? There was a peace I had never felt before; I’d always wanted to accept the single life and be happy, but this wasn’t something that could be forced. I had to give myself a reality check first. I stopped looking for love, and I knew that if the time was right, someone would come into my life. I put it in God’s hands – I had no idea about my future, but if He or the universe or fate (whatever you will) thought I was ready, then someone would come. I just had to focus on me.

Sure enough, 2 months later, school started. I didn’t do my usual “search for a potential partner” on the first day. A couple weeks passed and this really nice guy approached me, asking me what made me want to become a voice actor (which I mentioned was my dream in a class speech). I actually thought he was some executive from a rising animation company by the way he was talking, and that he wanted to offer me a position. Yet, the conversation drifted, and it turned into coffee dates and walks in flower gardens and cuddles in the cold rain.

Love came to me when I least expected it, and although that love didn’t last, I am still learning lessons from it. You never stop learning lessons from love, you NEVER develop the “end all be all” perspective.

Julie

A 20 year old college student who works at an epic escape room. I'm writing about my encounters with love and lack thereof, so that my readers can gain hope from my experiences and realize that they are never alone. Sometimes it's okay to walk away from the seemingly best love story ever in order to write your own chapter.

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