I remember how I used to always look for love. Any time I went to the mall with friends or with family, I’d wonder if I’d meet the one. I would be excited for school and would spend the first day looking around the class to see who I miiiight develop a crush on. It was silly, but I think all young people do this to an extent. The problem was when I would go on dating apps every few months because I’d depress myself when no irl prospects would show up “soon enough.”
Eventually, I met a guy from Ohio named Marquise. He was really nice and we had a lot in common. We called a couple of times and I loved his voice so much. I was infatuated and he was infatuated – we rushed into an online relationship without thinking. A couple days into it, I just felt horrible about it. I realized I didn’t feel enough for him for a relationship, and I had too many trust issues from my previous online relationship that ended a year prior. In my eyes, having an online relationship made it that much easier for someone to cheat. Marquise didn’t seem like the type to cheat, but I knew I wouldn’t be able to trust him because of my own insecurities, and that wouldn’t be right to do to him. I broke it off, saying I just need a month to sort myself out.
After that, it was like I woke up. Did I, as a 19-year-old, really want to whisk myself away into a relationship before I had any idea what I wanted to make of myself? There was a peace I had never felt before; I’d always wanted to accept the single life and be happy, but this wasn’t something that could be forced. I had to give myself a reality check first. I stopped looking for love, and I knew that if the time was right, someone would come into my life. I put it in God’s hands – I had no idea about my future, but if He or the universe or fate (whatever you will) thought I was ready, then someone would come. I just had to focus on me.
Sure enough, 2 months later, school started. I didn’t do my usual “search for a potential partner” on the first day. A couple weeks passed and this really nice guy approached me, asking me what made me want to become a voice actor (which I mentioned was my dream in a class speech). I actually thought he was some executive from a rising animation company by the way he was talking, and that he wanted to offer me a position. Yet, the conversation drifted, and it turned into coffee dates and walks in flower gardens and cuddles in the cold rain.
Love came to me when I least expected it, and although that love didn’t last, I am still learning lessons from it. You never stop learning lessons from love, you NEVER develop the “end all be all” perspective.