Mentions of religion below.
In my mind, the plan seems so perfect. Maybe God has another, more perfect plan, or maybe, just maybe, He is guiding the plan that runs through my mind. Only time will tell.
I remember how he wanted to join the Air Force. Even his eyes reflected the clear blue sky, and they glittered with starlight when he spoke of his dream. He told me how much he wanted to help people, so even when his health prevented him from enlisting, he sorted through other noble options – pediatric nurse, public speaker, etc. He may have felt that his dream of joining the Air Force was too far flung, but how perfect it would be if I could help him get closer to that dream. How perfect it would be if my dad could get him a job at Lockheed, where he could soar.
I remember his dedication to his speeches. He even took the opportunity of planning a speech to get closer to me…well, perhaps that shows more dedication to another area – he himself rested his hand upon mine and assured me, “I came here to spend time with you.” But when he stood before that podium, he was all-business, yet he delivered his speeches in a humorous, relatable manner that captivated his audience, I being one among them in the front row. How perfect it would be if he could come to my church, where members are encouraged to share their testimony or preach on a specific topic. It would be like our public-speaking class all over again, full of wise-cracks and wisdom.
I remember the struggles that he faced growing up in a primarily 1-parent household. There were tears in his eyes when he shared his story with the class, from which he left early. However, I could not console him, for that was the end of us. But how perfect it would be if we could make amends, and one day we could raise children together. We could adopt and foster, so he can be a father to children who feel as alone as he has before.
A career, a faith, and a family. I have so much I could give him but I am flawed in the greed that I want him. What more can I say except that I love him, so imperfectly?